belly ache D:

blagh

its been a little while..things are going slow here. not bad. ive been distracted with games and forums..but i dont have a bunch of applications filled out.

the last time i went outside everything grew so much. it had rained the night before the day before that, and the jewelweeds were going nuts, i found a ton of indianpipes and the baby mudpuppies even grew. haha i know it wasntfrom the rain, but they did grow and im sure they liked the fresh water.

im making friends on the webs..i dont care what you think it makes me happy :)

i havent taken lexapro in atleast a week and im feeling great. i get blue more, but its not nearly as bad as i thought it would be. must be the change in environment.

someone made me sad. im pretty sure they hurt me. it wasnt this one instance. bah

thought we were friends is all

well i know the pms isnt helping. its very early, like i wasnt expecting it for about a week, and it usually starts a week before my period. i didnt think i was stressed enough to warrant this kind of reaction. i just reallized it might possibly be because i havent smoked in so long. i read that it helps with pms, and maybe my body was so used to being helped its rebeling..ima read about it.

ive got alot of wishes, i know its useless to even think about them, so why do i do it so much? theres gotta be some psychological reason

the best things to happen to me

3 weeks in florida

brian empson

marijuana

moody blues concert

im sure theres more, but these are the ones to come right to mind. this doesnt exactly mean theyre the most important, cause my memory kinda sucks. but im sure the rest of the list isnt too long. and i kinda feel like theyre all as important as eachother.

cj is home and hes really happy, which makes me happy :) hes being really friendly and keeps talking about his girl, which makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

on the downside..i havent been regular with my pills. i havent been regular about anything lately, even my period. id like to blame it on the move, and this is the only thing i can think of. but when i think about how chaotic things are, i dont see a direct reason. just me being weird. maybe once i get a job things will settle..

but still, im blue. and whenever this happens i like to list all the possible causes, it really helps. so lets see..theres this guy problem, and a worse guy problem. actually, i think a few of my problems can be grouped together as me wanting too much from my friends. i feel like i want these deep, awesome relationships with everyone. sometimes i feel like i really connect with people, like they think the same as me or i just think theyre awesome. and theres even opportunities for me to have what i want from some people, but its not them i want it from. this isnt a quality i like at all about myself, but i also have a big thing about changing oneself.

it seems like its good to change bad things about oneself, but where do we draw the line?

if i could make it so i can change how i feel about certain people, would i still be happy?

this bugs me alot, even when im not blue.

its late, ill tell about my weekend later.

i read in a book that changed how i think that we should always be hungry for life. the books called 'the pot of gold', i try looking for it online all the time but never find it.

whilst surfing

oh summertime

trust

i reallized ive been trusting myself alot more lately. it seems like hardly anybody is even in touch with who they are, so this could be hard for most people. but it all started (probably not, this is just the frst big example i can think of) when i started not inching along and taking my time when walking across logs, but just going for it. its not like i jogged across, but i just started walking and let my body guide me. it was really easy, and i dont even have that good of balance. not only this but ive been trusting my feelings more. we dont see other animals worrying and stressing unless like their child is missing, and we have something superior in our brains so why would we doubt ourselves? caution is good, but i feel like ive been taking it too far.