well here it is

over a month ago i had something like a revelation..i kept putting off and forgetting to type it down, so ill just get it over with

i wrote this all down on sticky notes, its all separate little notes, im copying down as close to exactly what i wrote, i want to post pictures of them at some point as all three sticky notes have illustrations among other reasons

#1

(the point of our consciousness, soul, spirit) (has no) appearance, not actually apparent

only amount of interaction with our reality,

other life, their ^^ is smaller amount, all equal except in timing

ways of tearing through, we are all part of the same thing

metaphor, true reality known = light on

only as fast as recognition, doesnt matter in grand time

closer, more power; fungi, humans

accept understanding imagination in mind-

only what we construct?

*reincarnation attempts at getting through*

basic, basic, BASIC truths

#2

nothing but "benevolence"* radiance "light" %

doesnt matter which choose, all around (the individual light) helping, sharing "heat"/vibrations

slowing down #[?] why?

ganja, (other psychoactives) way of breaking/offering glimpses? different glimpses, some distorted like foggy or lens glass "" -(arrow down)

(glimpse) getting smaller as ways away

multiply because this method worked?

maybe someday enough to fill what was left? >>re-births

different ways of breaking through? hindu "husk"? # [?]

#3

%no reason do otherwise, kind of "indifference"

are one here, in this sense/definition

is this a layer? what is non-life, unlit or void?

different angles, different way of us perceiving? angle/way? (placement questionable)

close here only/one of only a few, not all levels of individual interaction

resonance, worse angle worse like, impeding until lifetime when surrounded(off to the side) or raised before, individual help (being surrounded)

2.(?) eye window to the soul?

order (of these things) matter?

is 8 (above) relevant? [getting smaller](in text parentheses)

live as want, goal that is strewn through only matters, different ways to express/break through appear/show

our real world

i came back up to coudy for the weekend, and i feel like i dont want to go back. i have 1 friend there and my relatives who mostly just bother me about getting a job/education over and over when i already know the stuff they repeat to me anyway. but today was really nice, maybe thats why i dont want to go back either, cause i love it here so much. i do rather like it there..im bothered still and i wish i could figure out why, i think im on to something about me being afraid of changing myself or something, i really am happy with my life but i wish i didnt have to have things that bother me this bad and i really dont see anything wrong with that, maybe other people should start to stop just accepting their crappy ways of life that society tells them is normal and unchangeable

stresses

i feel like i need to reconcile my day to day life with my introspections. the other night i had a dream where i was flying for the first time in a long time, i used to do it in most of my dreams, but i was a few inches over a lake looking at my reflection and couldnt go any higher, i feel like this represents pretty well a small conflict inside me, or maybe large, im only judging by its effects on me. ive also started to become worried over getting a job again, it seems to coincide with when i (think i) figured my dream out, i need to do some thinking, i know theres nothing to be stressing about but for some reason i cant stop. i just

^^ cant remember what i was gonna write, i suddenly feel a little angry for no good reason if there is such a thing