the drink

today someone managed to make me shed a few tears that have been trying to squeeze their way out for a couple months. i did feel better afterwards, but now i feel sucky again. i ant to go to sleep cause it will make me feel better, but i keep feeling like if im online a certain someone will be on to talk to. theres actually a few people i like talking to, its nice. but it only takes one person, or the thought of another to take it all to shit.

on top of that im stressing out about getting a job. i feel like i wont have time for myself, like the job is going to be stressful like school all over again. id be so happy to just get a job sticking shelves at jubilee or something. something simple and that i wont have to interact with people much with..but having money and not feeling as worthless will be nice

ive also been feeling pointedly antisocial. unless its a certain few people, i havent been talking to people online like i have been. its not like a feel any differently about them, for some reason i just dont feel like interacting..

im thinking the fact that i havent smoked in awhile is making all of this orse than it has to be. im noticing a bunch of other bad things, and i really wish i could get ahold of somebody reliable, or that some people would stop being dicks and help me out.

im freaking out and stressed and honestly i just want to be really selfish and wish something great would happen to me quick cause im sick of it. im not used to feeling like this for so long

this is all more dramatic than im comfortable with

things arent going badly, its all in my head